Put the cap back on this week's releases with Release Recap!

Time to introduce our next segment. Drum roll please. It’s called……RELEASE RECAP!!! THIS SEGMENT OWNS ALL! Seriously it’s actually not very useful but we put it in anyway. In it, we look back (or ahead) to show you what games are coming out this week. Sound boring enough? Oh well deal with it. This week, a bunch of games are coming out. You want to know what they are? Well. You don’t always get what you want, but this time you do I guess. Let’s see. First of all, this is the biggest release week I have EVER seen, and I have seen a lot of release weeks. I guess we’ll start off with Sony’s greedy release of 2 Everquest expansions on the same day. They want $15 a month and still they make you buy so many expansions you’re wallet has been stuck in a drought ever since Sony started making online games. Oh yeah the games are named Everquest 2: Desert of Flames and Everquest: Depths of Darkhollow. There’s a new flight simulator that looks like the biggest waste of money in the world. It’s from a weird company called Shockwave and it is called Battle of Britain 2: Wings of Victory. There’s Digital Devil Saga 2 for PS2 – yet another RPG (I’m getting tired of them making a new RPG game every 2 minutes). They’re porting a boring game to the XBOX so they can make more money from the idiots who buy it. I am talking about the game that looks the same no matter what you do in it – Dynasty Warriors 5. These games are so boring I am falling asleep talking about them. There’s a kind of odd looking game for PS2 and XBOX called Evil Dead Regeneration which I really don’t know what to say about. Probably will suck. They’re releasing a new version of GTA:SA for XBOX with no Hot Coffee. Like whoever doesn’t already have it isn’t going to buy the original. Nice way of fixing the ‘problem’ Hilary Clinton, you’re about as smart a brainless zombie (if that isn’t what she really is). Also this week, Gripshift, the game that Zam previewed earlier in PSP week. So far, that looks like only thing worth buying. Medieval Resurrection for the PSP, a very odd looking game based on the Playstation Medieval series. Urban Reign for the PS2, another fighting game, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. A new RTS Squad Assault: Second Wave bla bla bla. World War 2: Battleground Europe for PC, an MMO game, not MMORPG, just MMOG. Iiiiinteresting. Also a few new UMD movies including American Pie 2, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (WHHHHHY????), and Pulp Fiction (A movie based on non-real orange juice……). Now it is time to pass over the mic to the Flash Previews Channel for our 3 word or less previews. Here goes. Animaniacs for Gamecube and XBOX, Junk. Barbie PC, Barbie GBA, Barbie GBA, TRASH TRASH TRASH. Cabela’s Outdoor Adventures for all 3 consoles, not worth $30. Danny Phantom: The Ultimate Enemy, GBA Junk. Elf Collections for PC, Whatever t’is, Trash. Lego Bionicle: Maze of Shadows, weird game. Marine Park Empire, What the heck? Power Rangers: S.P.D, Explanation not needed. Weird gambling games, Don’t buy them (You’ll get addicted and lose tons of virtual money). Caterpillar Construction Tycoon, 5-year-old game. Cinderella GBA, Cinderella PC, THE PAINFUL PAIN!!! That is it. All of them are G-A-R-B-A-G-E. I missed a few games whoops. Rhem 2, don’t touch this game, I played the first and it was horrible. Lastly, BURNOUT REVENGE (PS2 and XBOX) AND LEGENDS (PSP)!!! DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON ANYTHING ELSE WASTE IT ON THESE!!! By the way I will have a review of Revenge in about a week. Finally we are done. My tongue is hanging out…..I look like a dog……I am tired….and these games have given me a disease called Game Sucktitis. I shall be tending my wounds while you read. Goodbye and goodnight.

-Ton